Single Life

Grocery Shopping for the Irresponsible, Single, Adult-Type Person

October 2, 2015 0 comments

So… I went grocery shopping last night. My fridge, freezer, cupboards and the bookshelf I use to store liquor and Kraft Dinner have been woefully bare for approximately one week, four days and thirteen hours. The fact that I lacked appropriate dinner-type food wasn’t what motivated me to shop. No, it was a compulsive need for popcorn.

So I ventured forth with the express purpose of procuring sustenance.

I came back with cheese, a slice of red velvet cake, bread-stuffs, sliced turkey, coconut cookies, and a family pack of Kraft Dinner.

I thought I did pretty good. I’m actually the type to hoard goodies so the cookies will last at least a month. The cake, however, is for writing purposes and is integral to my process. I set the cake at my desk and tell myself I have to write fifty words for every bite. I’m essentially four year old who has to be bribed.

Anyways, I get home and make small talk with a favorite neighbor and she asks me what I bought. I start listing what I hunted and gathered at my local Safeway.

“I got a buttload of Kraft Dinner because I was out and an adult household should never be without this gourmet meal,” I said, holding up my prize proudly. “I also got two bricks of cheese because Safeway is the only place that has the cheese I like.”

“What kind of cheese is that?” she asked, obviously thinking it would be this amazing, fancy cheese she hadn’t previously heard of and would like to try and perhaps add to her own cheese repertoire.

“Cheddar. Old cheddar. Safeway brand.”

“Oh. Huh.”

So I launched my explanation, telling her that all other cheddar’s I’ve ever tried start to smell kind of sweet a day or two after opening the package. Not that it’s gone bad or anything, just that the smell starts to change a bit. AND I CAN’T FREAKING STAND IT. Seriously, it makes me want to hurl. And I love cheese.

Yes, I am a princess.

After she’s done laughing at my quirk (some might call it insanity), I continue my list and then she looks at me, considering, and says, “You know, all of that would go really well with wine.”

THIS IS WHY WE’RE FRIENDS!!!!!

I hadn’t thought about that at all, however, she’s totally right. I subconsciously selected my groceries based on whether or not I could pair it with wine! -not that there’s much I can’t drink wine with.

I then went upstairs to my apartment and made popcorn for dinner. I paired it with a nice, crisp, pinot grigio.

You know you’re successfully adulting when…

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