I got a text message the other day from some jackass who felt this was a clever way to restart a conversation:
“You still owe me a blow job.”
No, I sure as fuck don’t. I’m pretty sure what I do owe you, on behalf of women everywhere, is a sledgehammer to the testicles.
Does he honestly think he’s entitled to a blow job? Perhaps he thought he was being cute or funny, maybe even flirty, but come on! Have a modicum of respect.
Then there’s the guy who talks to you on the dating site for ten minutes and asks you to come over.
Umm, I haven’t met you yet. Whatever happened to meeting up for a drink first? I understand you’re probably (ok, definitely) asking for sex (as opposed to you being some weird, murder-y type dude) but seriously? You expect me to drive upwards of thirty minutes, show up on your doorstep and say, “Hey, like what you see?” and have it go one of three ways:
1: Mutual attraction AKA Let us fuck.
2: You’re attracted, I’m not. AKA “Sorry, wrong address. Gotta go.” *turns and runs away in a zigzag pattern so you cannot follow*
3: I’m attracted, you’re not. AKA *cursory glance before door slams in my face*
Why is it that guys think they can order up sex like a fucking pizza? And I’m not saying this because I’m morally opposed to the booty call, I just want you to meet my damn booty before you call it! That’s about the minimum of effort you should put in.
Shell out a few dollars, like you would for said pizza, and get yourself a hooker if you want sex delivered to your door.
[Now that I’m talking about pizza delivery and sex all I can think is that this sounds like a bad beginning to an even worse porno.]
[Are there any good pornos?] -I don’t want recommendations! This was more of an existential question.