You’re Not As Smart As You Think You Are

November 10, 2015 0 comments

Because you posted this on Plenty of Fish and expected people to understand it.

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The very mention of Dostoyevsky likely sent many a boobalicious bimbo in a left-swiping direction.

I have no idea what this guy is saying, other than “I’m a douche, I’m a douche, I’m a douche douche douche. Douchtacular douche!” In his “about me” section he managed to write, in an extremely unnecessarily complex manner, that he is “a much different person than [he] ever thought [he] was.” Is anyone else reminded of the know-it-all in grade school who answered a simple question with a convoluted response that doesn’t even answer the question?

I’m a smart person. I’ve had two different friends on two separate occasions refer to me as the smartest person they know. This is both sad for them and amazeballs for me. So clearly, I’m qualified to attempt a translation.

“I know how to use spell check and frequently scroll through a thesaurus for obscure words to use that haven’t been a part of the common vernacular since the time of Dostoyevsky, an author I presume is wise and celebrated because my English teacher said his advanced placement class was doing extra credit on him and I’ve heard several non-distinct references made to his work on TV shows at the same time as students groaned loudly.”

What do you think? I wonder if the great and powerful Google can translate it.

$10 says any chick that goes on a date with the dude spends the entire time listening to him wax poetic about his personal exploration of introspection and the non-conclusive, constantly evolving results he’s found.

*cough*douche!*cough*

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