I’m Going To Start Doing Yoga

December 21, 2015 0 comments

I’m going to start doing yoga. And not for any of those health benefits other people are always espousing.

Oh you should do yoga, it’ll help you not want to murder people.

You should do yoga, it’ll increase your core muscles.

You should do yoga, it’ll help you lose weight.

Meanwhile I’m sitting there thinking, fuck ya, I’ll do yoga, I love looking like a beached whale trying to turn over. Or a bear grabbing it’s toes.

Doing yoga to look less whale-like, give me a six-pack and/or curb my murderous tendencies (which I still don’t look at as a problem) aren’t motivation enough to get me into a yoga studio. You know what is? Sex.

I recently partook in some carnal activities and realized I am NOT flexible. And feeling like my hip is going to pop out of place kinda kills the mood. So now, and with a determination previously unknown, I’m wanting to do yoga so I can feel like I actually participated in the sex rather than just lay there (not unlike the aforementioned beached whale – and that is NOT a comforting comparison).

They have yoga sequences that are specifically for relaxation, for back pain, for office workers, for bee keepers, EVERYTHING, but do they have them specifically for those who want to do freaky sex things? I should google this but I’m kind of afraid of what will come up (heh heh heh, come up). –of course, this leads me to wonder if there’s some sort of yoga instructor porn category. And then I think, it’s porn and people are weird so OF COURSE there’s a yoga instructor porn category. Can you imagine the freaky shit they could do?!

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