What Constitutes Personal Hygiene

January 22, 2016 0 comments

Generally speaking, there are a few things 99.9% of people consider to fall under the category of good personal hygiene. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

  • Bathing
  • Washing your hair
  • Brushing your teeth
  • Clean clothes

Can we all agree that basically a person’s primary goal is to not smell? And secondary to that is to not look like a cracked out bag lady. Which means, generally,

  • No torn clothes (unless those tears are under the misguided label of “fashion”)
  • No unkempt hair
  • No food stains
  • No three foot long finger nails

I think that covers most of what constitutes good personal hygiene… although I’m sure I’m missing something glaringly obvious but whatever, that really isn’t a part of my point.  Here’s my point:

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Removing chipped nail polish is a part of personal hygiene? Are you fucking kidding me? A part of personal grooming, yes. But I’m not fixing every little chip as soon as it happens! I mean, I get shellac manicures and it’s still chipped within a week! I’m not fixing that shit. They’re nails! Calm your freakin’ tits!

And he didn’t even write, “Hopefully she also FEELS that removing chipped…” no, he writes as if it’s a foregone conclusion that certain cretins people don’t necessarily comprehend. This gentleman is only looking for those creatures of higher evolution that, like him, KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that chipped nails are those things that indicate you’re basically ok with living in your own filth.

This probably wouldn’t be a problem for a lot of women. They might even appreciate a guy who notices their nails to such an extreme. However, I am neither high maintenance nor looking to be the beard of a gay man hiding behind a metrosexual guise.

Also, “excellent penmanship”? Seriously?

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