What do The Love Guru, Intimacy and Hooking Up Have in Common?

May 2, 2016 0 comments

Recently, very recently (last five minutes, recently) I’ve been thinking that maybe the movie, The Love Guru, wasn’t as idiotic as I originally thought.

Stay with me here.

You know the part where he, the knowledgeable and enlightened Guru Pitka, equates intimacy with “into me I see”? Isn’t that kind of true? Being intimate with someone bares your soul to the other person and in opening your soul to someone else, you open it to yourself as well.

This intimacy (and “into me I see”) is a beautiful part of being in a committed relationship and honestly one of the selling features of a relationship (that, and having someone to eat your extra food so you don’t have to deal with crappy leftovers). To have your relationship reach that level of trust is a wonderful thing. Hell, it’s what we all strive for, right?

If you’ve read my previous blog posts you may be wondering what hallucinogenic drug(s) brought this bout of introspection on. However, I assure you it was no drug. In fact, it came from an unlikely source: a gentleman caller.

Yup, he wanted to hook up but before we even met he needed to know if I’d swallow as he only comes in girl’s mouths because he feels it’s more intimate to look into their eyes while they “taste him”.

What was that? I believe that was half the world’s population shuddering at once. – you know, if half the world’s population read my blog.

Ok, swallowing vs non-swallowing debate aside (it’s a personal choice that we all have to make), this was supposed to be a hook up. I know this because he flat out said he wanted casual sex, not a relationship.

K, cool. I like it when people are straightforward and upfront. But then, why are you wanting anything resembling intimacy? Personally, my ideal hook up only involves doing it from behind so there can’t even be accidental eye contact and yet here’s this dude wanting to look in my eyes while I “taste him”.

YOU’RE HOOKING UP WRONG.

A hook up, by its very nature, is devoid of intimacy and self-introspection (no “into me I see” here, thank you very much!). One could even say you actively avoid introspection at all costs with respect to hooking up. Thinking “OMG am I slut? Does this make me a whore?” while having sex kinda rains on the mood-parade. Women are cerebral creatures. We can’t be thinking self-loathing thoughts while going at it with a dude. That’s for when we’re sitting in front of a TV eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, dammit. That kind of thinking (or any thinking) exponentially decreases the likelihood of having an orgasm and then truly, what would be the point of hooking up?!

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