When Your Friend Has a Clinger and You’re No Help Because You’re Too Busy Laughing and Making Horrible Suggestions

May 12, 2016 0 comments

As you may have inferred from the title of this post, a friend of mine has a teeny tiny issue with a clinger. He desperately wants in her pants. Like, texting her, asking her out repeatedly, wanting to come over or have her come over and he’ll cook her dinner – or “cook her dinner” aka feed her his c*ck [censored to preserve the innocence of some readers].

The thing is, she’s known him for like 10 years and during those 10 years he’s hooked up with one of her friends, tried to hook up with another of her friends while still with that first friend and the second friend was in a relationship, and has 100% definitely experienced the joys and wonders of THE CLAP.

Yup, he’s definitely dating material. Someone you want to bring home to mother. Preferably while father is cleaning his shotgun and the pigs are extra special hungry. #theperfectcrime

This should go without say but this is teh interwebz so, say it with me now, OF COURSE SHE’S NOT GOING TO LET HIM ANYWHERE NEAR HER!

But that doesn’t mean we can’t fuck with him, right?

The other night he asked her if they were going to “get it on” before she leaves (she’s moving for a job soon). And apparently he “just wants to give [her] a bday gift and maybe [she] to give [him] one lol” (To be clear, it was very recently her birthday. Not his. He’s an idiot.)

I asked her if she could possibly respond with a link to this youtube video:



Muahahahahahaha. I’m a great friend. I give THE BEST advice! LOL!!!!!!

Naturally he responded, asking her to name the time and place.


Being the wonderful, fantastic, amazeballs friend that I am, I advised she respond with the following:

He responded with “lol”. (See? Caveman grunt! I told ya!)

I think the moral of this story, aside from never ask me how to respond to guys, is that Marvin Gaye is not a great way to communicate your lack of interest in a fella. Apparently, some people take that shit seriously. I, for one, don’t buuuuuuut apparently that’s just me?

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