Single Life

A Few Tips for the Men on Online Dating Sites

May 23, 2016 0 comments

I’ve been on the online dating scene longer than I’d care to admit and have come across a few things that I found unbelievable but, obviously, someone found it acceptable. In the interest of promoting healthy gender relations, here are some tips you may want to consider.

  • If you’re older than 35 you’re no longer a “boy toy” and should not refer to yourself as such. Particularly if you include the year you were born in your profile name. And at 41 you’re old enough to know better and since you obviously don’t no self respecting female will want anything to do with you. But hey, thanks for putting up the obvious red flag. Made that one easy to bypass.
  • As a first message, “You won’t be disappointed at all after meeting me. Will find in me an intelligent, sincere, honest and compassionate man who can be your great friend and lover. Wanna explore” really isn’t the way you want to go. +1 for confidence, -2 for arrogance. Also, if you refer to yourself as a “great lover” I throw up in my mouth a little bit
  • Do not include pictures of you with other women. Rest assured I’m spending more time looking at them, and internally comparing myself to them, than looking at you or reading your profile. Also, since you undoubtedly included the picture because itĀ demonstrates what a stud you (think) you are, I came up short against the other chick and am now required, by law, to hate you and want nothing to do with you.
  • My specifying in my profile that I am “overweight” does not invite the question, “so how much do you weigh.” It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. How stupid do you have to be to think it’s EVER ok to ask a woman that? Hasn’t Every. Single. Cheesy. Sitcom. EVER covered that? LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES. Holy crap. No ducking wonder you’re single dude. (This question actually came from a guy who listed himself as “separated”. No surprise there, the surprise is that he actually conned some chick into marrying him in the first place.)
  • If you list your sole profession as “DJ” I’m running the other way. We both know that means you’re unemployed. The only ones who think that shit is cool are 19 year olds who are hoping you’ll get them into da club for free and maybe buy them some cheap ass bubbly. -Not that they’ll enjoy it, because they won’t, it tastes like ass. They just don’t know any better yet.

To be continued, I’m sure.

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